2014, I Love You

2015. I just can’t believe it. I can’t believe I can now say I had a baby LAST YEAR.

With Emelia crawling, pulling herself up and walking along the couch, and teething happening all at once, I’ve been busy. At this stage, motherhood is both a physical and emotional challenge. On days like today when she boycotts naps and fusses when she’s normally always happy, I have to remind myself that even if I’m not 100% sure about what’s bothering her, even if I’m exhausted, I am enough. I’m her momma, and I’m enough. Others will try to comfort her, but she wants me, because I’m her momma, and I’m enough. I’m doing it right, because I’m being her mom. I’m doing it right because I love her.

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This week we celebrated Emelia’s 9 month birthday with the family in New Jersey. It’s been a blast catching up with everyone. It’s nice to have so much help with Emi. Someone is always ready to feed her, put her to sleep, change her diaper, and I am loving watching her interact with her cousins. It brings back memories of me interacting with my own cousins growing up. Growing up with my cousins made my childhood special and even a bit magical. Our make believe games were probably what sparked my passion for reading and writing fiction. Although my relationships with my cousins have changed and we’ve grown apart, I will cherish the memories and I hope the distance between Emi and her cousins in NJ won’t prevent her from building relationships with them. I could sit and watch them play and giggle for hours. It’s so precious.

The last time we were visiting family here, I was quite pregnant. It was just before the preterm labor kicked in. It was rather peaceful. I remember being here and wondering what life would be like once my baby was born. I think my hand was on my belly constantly, trying to savor the mystery of being kicked by my own child who grew and thrived in my womb.

All night on December 31st, I felt a bit uneasy and wondered what we were celebrating.  The topic of conversation revolved around New Year resolutions, looking forward to the year ahead, and starting over, but all I could think about was how much I wanted to hold onto 2014. About how much I loved 2014.

On the first day of 2015, I woke up feeling nostalgic. So I made a list. I made a list of my favorite moments of 2014:

Telling Mgo we were expecting

Hearing Emelia’s heartbeat for the first time

Spending time with my mom while on bed rest

Watching my parents and sister meet Emelia for the first time hours after she was born

Putting Emelia to sleep in her Pack ‘n Play for the first time in our bedroom the day we brought her home from the hospital

Yellow Birdie Co going live

Seeing Emelia smile for the first time

Hugging Mgo seconds before 2015, both of us getting a little emotional as we realized what a scary, wonderful year we’d just had

2014, I love you.

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